TW: Story of depression and suicide.
My resonance with the word “depression” rings high and loud during my lows, feeling like a soul tie that spiritually echos in a chamber of darkness. Like an inescapable bond, wrapping and suffocating me with invisible ropes that never seem to loosen. There only seems to be one mode of escape. One mode of escape from my tether.
Do I escape?
Do I suffocate?
What do I do?
Just because they’re invisible does not mean they aren’t there. I sense them. I feel them pressing onto my skin, leaving lasting imprints on my spirit...my mind. Bruises that are covered up temporarily, but their facade rubs off with every tug and pull and tug and pull that leaves even rougher abrasions on me: the results of my attempts to escape the tether.
Do I keep trying to escape?
Do I keep suffocating?
What do I do?
Do I lose all my energy trying to escape...until I can’t? Until I have no choice? Until I lay there, bruised and bloody? Until I’m blanched by the vicious ropes of a label that has no visual reality but every bit of emotional reality?
Do I escape?
Do I suffocate?
What do I do?
I don’t know.
Description
My entire life, I've searched for someone to understand me. I've searched for someone and their words to understand my life.
In this piece, I shift my search inward, finding the words within myself to understand myself.
In this piece, I explain depression and the internal dilemma it creates to the bearer.
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